When self-criticism runs the show

Most of us have an inner voice that comments on what we do. Sometimes it encourages us, but other times it can become our harshest critic.

You might recognise thoughts like, 'I'm not good enough,' 'I always get things wrong,' or 'Everyone else is coping better than me.' When these thoughts show up regularly, they can affect our confidence, increase anxiety, and make it difficult to recognise our strengths.

The important thing to remember is that just because you think something doesn't mean it's true.

Understanding your inner critic

Our inner critic often develops over time. It can be shaped by past experiences, high expectations, difficult relationships, or a fear of making mistakes. Although it may believe it's trying to protect us from failure or rejection, it often leaves us feeling discouraged instead.

Learning to notice this critical voice is the first step towards changing your relationship with it.

Pause and notice

The next time you notice yourself being self-critical, try pausing for a moment.

Ask yourself:

What am I saying to myself right now?

Would I speak to someone I care about in this way?

Is this thought completely true, or is there another way of looking at the situation?

You don't need to force yourself to think positively. Instead, aim for a more balanced and realistic perspective.

Practise self-compassion

Self-compassion isn't about making excuses or pretending everything is fine. It's about responding to yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.

Imagine someone you care about came to you feeling upset after making a mistake. You would probably reassure them, remind them that everyone makes mistakes, and encourage them to keep going.

You deserve that same kindness too.

Celebrate small wins

When self-criticism is loud, it's easy to overlook the things you're doing well.

At the end of each day, try writing down three things you managed, no matter how small. It could be getting out of bed, making a healthy meal, going for a walk, or sending an email you've been putting off.

These small moments matter. Over time, they can help shift your attention away from constant self-judgement and towards recognising your progress.

A gentle reminder

Changing the way you speak to yourself takes time. Your inner critic may not disappear overnight, but it doesn't have to be the loudest voice in the room.

Each time you pause, question a critical thought, or choose a kinder response, you're building a healthier relationship with yourself.

Progress isn't about being perfect. It's about learning to treat yourself with patience, understanding, and compassion, especially on the difficult days.

A gentle practice for today

Notice one self-critical thought without judging yourself for having it.

Ask yourself, 'What would I say to a friend in this situation?'

Replace the criticism with one kind, balanced sentence.

Remember that your worth isn't defined by one mistake, one difficult day, or one negative thought.