What cancer taught me about sitting with fear

I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 17. Looking back, what stands out isn't how quickly things changed, but how much time I've spent since then learning what actually helped, and what didn't.

What didn't help was trying to make the fear go away. I spent a lot of energy chasing certainty, asking for reassurance, searching for the 'right' way to feel, waiting for the moment I'd finally feel okay about it. That moment didn't come on any predictable timeline. It rarely does, for any of us, when we're facing something genuinely uncertain.

What helped was different, and much slower to learn: letting the fear be there without treating it as an emergency that had to be fixed right away. Not pretending it wasn't real. Not needing it to be resolved before I could live. Just carrying it gently, while still seeing friends, still being a person, alongside it.

This is close to what CBT coaching is really about. Not pushing fear away, but changing your relationship with it.

Why this shapes how I work

My experience of surviving cancer made me appreciate everyday moments more deeply. It gave me a sense that life is too precious to spend caught up in what others expect, and a longing to focus on what truly matters.

The emotions change you. Going through something so difficult left me with greater resilience, but also a deeper understanding of how fragile and heavy life can feel. Being a cancer survivor made me want to help others and make some kind of difference in the world. I've gained greater compassion for others, and more confidence in handling life's challenges. At the same time, I still struggle with anxiety and have experienced a great deal of trauma and loss.

It isn't. But it is part of why the work I do focuses less on 'getting rid of' fear, and more on learning to hold it without letting it take everything over.